Invisibility

A friend of mine asked what my thoughts were on queer femme invisibility. This is what I wrote:

I think that people often mistake queer femmes who "look straight" as a positive thing for them...that they can blend into the straight world and have the opportunity to not have to come out to coworkers or at job interviews or whatever, which is true. But at the same time they face criticism from the lesbian community...because they "look straight"...and they don't have to deal with the same kinds of discrimination that butcher women have to deal with because they're "passing".

The same is true for more masculine gay men.

I was at a workshop yesterday by a group called Translate who came to talk to BMC dorm leaders about trans students on campus. One of the things that one of them was talking about was that the way that people express their gender identity can often cause alienation from a specific group. This guy's name was Hadley, and he thought of himself as gender-queer, and chose to express his gender identity as neither completely feminine or completely masculine. He said that when he went out with his female, lesbian friend, they both dressed very similarly, and so his friends often assumed that since she was hanging out with him, that she was trans too. That upset her, because she has just always thought of herself as a butch lesbian and wanted people to view her as such.

So I guess my point is that the way people choose to express their gender identity can lead to invisibility within certain groups...and that it's often very confusing and hurtful....especially for queer femmes because they have to deal with coming out over and over again to people in the dominant society who (usually) don't have as much understanding of queer culture.

I know that personally I've gone through wanting to change my personal appearance. Sometimes I really want to look feminine to kind of prove to straight society that lesbians can look feminine too. That we're not just all bulldykes riding motorcycles and wearing flannel shirts. Because that's what people think lesbians are. I came home right after I had come out and a friend asked me, "Oh, so you're not dressing gay yet?"

What is dressing gay?

Like...seriously.

And I know it wasn't meant to be offensive...but it kind of was. I didn't really know what to say so I just made it into a joke. I could've gone off on a tangent about how gender expression is something totally different from sexual orientation but I was too tired. Sometimes when I'm not at Bryn Mawr and I'm not around a group of people who I know will understand and appreciate what I'm saying then I just don't say it.



But other times, I want to embrace my "gayness", I guess. I want to look like a lesbian. I want people to recognize my identity. I don't want to be invisible. But something I'm constantly struggling with is how I want to express my gender identity. I don't really know what I want to look like. And that's okay for now.

So what was my point? I guess that this issue is very complicated. And that just because you "dress like a straight woman" (whatever that means) doesn't mean you won't face discrimination as a queer woman. It might mean that you face less discrimination on a day to day basis. Society is certainly harder on butch women. But because queer femmes are always accepted without question into the straight world, it can be really alienating. You can always feel like people don't know the "real" you. You constantly have to decide whether or not to come out. For the rest of your life. And without a peer group of other queer femmes, I imagine you'd be extremely lonely.

Butches and femmes in Disneyland

I had to post about this. The internet is abuzz with Kate Bornstein's post about WALL E and gender in film.

It begins like this:

I’m completely smitten with WALL•E, this summer’s Pixar/Disney offering. But the last thing I expected to see in my friendly, heterosexual upper east side Manhattan neighborhood movie theater was a feature length cartoon about a pair of lesbian robots who fall madly in love with each other. WALL•E is nothing short of hot, dyke Sci Fi action romance, some seven hundred years in the future! Woo-hoo!



Bornstein goes on to describe the reasons why WALL E and EVE don't have a gender. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, WALL E and EVE are clearly gender-less robots. They obviously don't have genitalia or xy/xx chromosomes. Why do we see WALL E and EVE as male and female? Simply because they are portraying the traditional male and female "roles" that our society has created? Who's to say that those robots aren't butch and femme lesbians or gay men?

Bornstein explains, "I think the answer is that we shift our mind’s criteria for gender when we watch a film or listen to a love song or read a novel. We all blithely switch genders in our minds, the better to identify with the vocalist or character. Reading novels, listening to music, or watching films, we consciously or unconsciously switch the gender mix to that which delights us the most."

So true. While I was trapped into thinking WALL-E and EVE were male and female robots, I had a different experience while watching Cate Blanchett in I'm Not There. For those of you who haven't seen this movie, Cate dons full drag (including a mustache for one brief scene) and morphs into Bob Dylan. She does an excellent job. And while I thought she was the most believable, most Bob-like Bob Dylan, I still found myself wanting to think of her as Cate Blanchett in drag. Because that is hot.



And why shouldn't I? According to Bornstein, it's perfectly normal, especially when a film suspends the bounds of gender itself. It's up to me to decide because I am the interpreter of the movie.

How refreshing.

You can read the post in its entirety here:
http://katebornstein.typepad.com/kate_bornsteins_blog/2008/07/walle-a-butchfe.html

Congratulations, Ellen and Portia!

I just finished reading Stone Butch Blues, so this wedding could not have come at a better time for me. For those of you who haven't read it, go out and buy it. Now. No joke. It's an extremely depressing but inspiring story of Jess, a stone butch turned FTM turned back to butch. The story is one that mirrors history. In wartime, butch women (and all women!) were accepted into the workforce. Jess found a niche of working class butches and femmes in the 60s as well as job availability in various factories, but when the feminist movement geared up and the war ended, she found herself jobless and reassessing her identity. In the 70s, Lesbianism was linked to the feminist movement. These "new" feminist-lesbians didn't need any men, and they certainly didn't agree with the "old" butch/femme lesbians, because they thought that was just reiterating and copying patriarchal society. So butches stuck in the middle of all this found themselves having to leave the only communities they've ever known and trying to make it by themselves, and with technology on the rise, some of them transitioned from female to male.

I knew about all of this before. Because I've read my lesbian herstory. But what I never thought about were those butches stuck in between. All you really learn about is how lesbianism used to be about butches and femmes, but then the feminist movement changed all that. But what about those butches and femmes? That's why you should read this book, yo.

So long story short, that sucks. I hope that we've reached a point in our community today (although I know we haven't) where we can accept the way anyone wants to live or love. To quote Athens Boys Choir "LGBTQILMNOP, Hell apples and oranges - they're all fruits to me."

Now watch this Team Gina video:





Anyway, I don't want to label anyone, because labels are something that people decide for themselves. I don't think that we should label all women who express a more masculine gender identity as "butch" unless they identify as butch. However, I think that Ellen and Portia are a lot more butch/femme than most high-profile lesbian couples. Portia wore a pink dress to the wedding, Ellen wore a pantsuit, Ellen got Portia an engagement ring, you catch my drift. They aren't butch/femme but they do express their gender identity differently. So while Ellen certainly isn't a bulldyke by any means, I'm glad that lesbian-feminists around the world don't just accept her, we LOVE her.



Congratulations, you two lovebirds!

Gender Shmender

I was always a girly girl. In fourth grade my wardrobe consisted of two dresses. One was polka-dotted blue and the other was pink and white striped. I didn't like wearing jeans. I wanted to wear my hair in braids. I wanted to stay home with my sister and play school in the basement and barbies on the porch.

I used to want long, black hair. When I drew pictures of myself as a "grown up", I would always have long, long wavy black hair and a rainbow dress.

At least I got the rainbow part right?

When I was a kid I was extremely quiet and well behaved. Like a lady should be, I'm sure, but I was just a shy kid. When my father used to take me out for ice cream we always went to the same place. I must have been three or four. And every time I would hide behind his legs and make him order for me.

In elementary school, I used to hate being the line leader. It's the job everyone wanted. Everyone except for me, I guess. I just didn't like being in the spotlight, being in the front. I was content to be one in the crowd. I didn't want anyone to notice me. I didn't want to be responsible for anyone else.

I was that girl for awhile. In high school I wore makeup and straightened my hair. I wore skirts and high heels. But something changed. I started over, I found my voice, I became louder and more opinionated. In college I stopped wearing makeup. I became more self-confident than ever. Everyone thought I had always been loud, always been opinionated, always been self-assured, always been..a dyke.

Well how did that happen?

I'm gay. I'm very, very gay. No one is denying that. But when did people start to realize it? I remember things. Bits and pieces. Wanting to pick up Michelle Kwan while she was skating. Wanting to kiss a girl on the bus. But I don't think my family and friends realized until I wasn't interested in boys. I don't think I realized until I realized I wasn't interested in boys. It wasn't that I had always wanted to date girls, it was that I knew I didn't want to date boys.

Now I don't know how I want to express my gender identity. Sometimes I want to "look gay." I want to be recognized as a queer lady. But I don't know if that's me. Other times, especially when I'm around straight people, I want to look feminine. I want to prove to them that not all lesbians wear flannel shirts and ride motorcycles. But are either of those really who I am?

Sigh. Such are the angsty rants of a twenty year-old not-quite-feminine-not-quite-masculine lesbian.

MJ